Our Journey with Conjoined Twins
Abby & Erin
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
So, it's 2am and here I sit pumping away because I can't sleep, and if I can't sleep I might as well pump. Sorry if that's too much information but I am just being real. Nights like this make me realize what a toll this whole journey is taking on me.
I am completely and 100% exhausted and yet I can't sleep. It's been like this for probably about a week now. Part of it I'm sure is because Riley had to go back home last weekend, and I am in that horrible transition of getting used to not having him next to me as I fall asleep. But the other part I know is stress and just being anxious.
Growing up I always heard the verse Philippians 4:6-7 which says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
I feel like I have always known this verse, it is one that I can recite off the top of my head and will be forever remembered. But as I sit here tonight I realize how incredibly hard it is to actually follow what this verse says. Just the first few words, Do not be anxious about anything..I kind of feel like yelling...."Yea right, you expect me to not be anxious about anything when I have conjoined twins, children who are so different than the rest of the world and could potentially have problems for the rest of their lives! HA" It is so so hard to remind myself that God is in control and always has been and always will be. Even when it is 2am and I sit here in the dark alone typing out all my feelings in a blog. He will give me peace that passes all understanding, and he does every day. It is in these times where I feel doubt creep in that the peace He gives me seems to fade, and I just need to remind myself that He has bigger and better plans than I can ever imagine. He really does.
So many times people will comment, or text, or tell me that I am so brave and have such grace going through all this. And I so appreciate it, but that is not because of me by any means. Nights like these remind me how fragile I am and how weak. And that is only by God's strength that I get up the next day and move forward. He has given my husband and I two beautiful little lives that we are responsible for. He has given us a HUGE task. And to be able to fulfill that task I need not to be anxious but know that God will give me supernatural peace.
I decided to look this verse up in a version that I love to read sometimes just because it kind of lays things out in a different way and sometimes speaks to me in a different light. The message version says
"Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."
The way that this verse is worded literally brings me to tears. "instead of worrying pray, let petitions and praises shape you worries into prayer" and to know that God's wholeness will bring everything together for good.
I hope and pray that someone out there who is reading this post will be encouraged. That it will somehow bring you back from the ledge that you are standing on. I myself feel like I was standing on a ledge and have been brought back even if it was just a few steps just through reading that verse. Whatever you might be facing remember "it's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces the worry at the center of your life" All you need to do is have a little faith that God is in the midst and knows what He's doing. I am by no means perfect and I so struggle with this. But maybe by telling all of you these things, I will be able to do them better myself.
Thank you again for all of your prayers...they are more important to us than I think you will ever know.
My name is Heather Delaney. I married the love of my life Riley on 10/02/15 and we now have two beautiful girls Abby & Erin, who are conjoined twins, that were born 07/24/16. We are trusting that God is going to work all this out for his good!