Our Journey with Conjoined Twins
Abby & Erin
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
So, it's 2am and here I sit pumping away because I can't sleep, and if I can't sleep I might as well pump. Sorry if that's too much information but I am just being real. Nights like this make me realize what a toll this whole journey is taking on me.
I am completely and 100% exhausted and yet I can't sleep. It's been like this for probably about a week now. Part of it I'm sure is because Riley had to go back home last weekend, and I am in that horrible transition of getting used to not having him next to me as I fall asleep. But the other part I know is stress and just being anxious.
Growing up I always heard the verse Philippians 4:6-7 which says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
I feel like I have always known this verse, it is one that I can recite off the top of my head and will be forever remembered. But as I sit here tonight I realize how incredibly hard it is to actually follow what this verse says. Just the first few words, Do not be anxious about anything..I kind of feel like yelling...."Yea right, you expect me to not be anxious about anything when I have conjoined twins, children who are so different than the rest of the world and could potentially have problems for the rest of their lives! HA" It is so so hard to remind myself that God is in control and always has been and always will be. Even when it is 2am and I sit here in the dark alone typing out all my feelings in a blog. He will give me peace that passes all understanding, and he does every day. It is in these times where I feel doubt creep in that the peace He gives me seems to fade, and I just need to remind myself that He has bigger and better plans than I can ever imagine. He really does.
So many times people will comment, or text, or tell me that I am so brave and have such grace going through all this. And I so appreciate it, but that is not because of me by any means. Nights like these remind me how fragile I am and how weak. And that is only by God's strength that I get up the next day and move forward. He has given my husband and I two beautiful little lives that we are responsible for. He has given us a HUGE task. And to be able to fulfill that task I need not to be anxious but know that God will give me supernatural peace.
I decided to look this verse up in a version that I love to read sometimes just because it kind of lays things out in a different way and sometimes speaks to me in a different light. The message version says
"Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."
The way that this verse is worded literally brings me to tears. "instead of worrying pray, let petitions and praises shape you worries into prayer" and to know that God's wholeness will bring everything together for good.
I hope and pray that someone out there who is reading this post will be encouraged. That it will somehow bring you back from the ledge that you are standing on. I myself feel like I was standing on a ledge and have been brought back even if it was just a few steps just through reading that verse. Whatever you might be facing remember "it's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces the worry at the center of your life" All you need to do is have a little faith that God is in the midst and knows what He's doing. I am by no means perfect and I so struggle with this. But maybe by telling all of you these things, I will be able to do them better myself.
Thank you again for all of your prayers...they are more important to us than I think you will ever know.
I must apologize, getting a moment where I can sit down and blog is becoming harder and harder. The girls are getting bigger and requiring much more attention during the day, and then when I am back at the house at night I am exhausted and usually have laundry to do and things to clean and bills to pay. So life is just busy.
The past few weeks have been a complete and total whirlwind. The girls are doing well all things considered. We have had a few hiccups along the road but when I say these girls are amazing little miracles I so mean it. What they have already endured is more than I think I could ever handle. I am so proud to be their mommy. They surprise me every single day and I am so blessed because of it!
Riley unfortunately had to go back home this past weekend, he has been here since the girls had their surgery. It was sooooo nice to have him around but....duty call unfortunately. It was so hard for him to go now that the girls are interacting more and more with every day. I know he misses them terribly and we of course miss him as well.
The girls started smiling just this past week and it overwhelms me with joy. To see their eyes sparkle and their mouth turn into a huge grin just melts my heart completely. When I look at them I feel like I am looking at my heart in human form. They are just so perfect and Riley and I could never ask for more. They are so sweet tempered as well. Don't get me wrong, they have their "diva" moments. But overall they are pretty mellow babies. Compared to some of the other babies that have been our neighbors over the past few months, they are mellow. I am so excited for the day when they are separate and are able to sit up, hang out in the mama-roo, go for a stroller ride, and so much more. Right now they are basically confined to the bed because of the way the separation process has been going and because of the way that they are conjoined they aren't able to be in many other positions other than laying.
We still have another month or two before anything new really happens. This is a long grueling process, so please keep us in your prayers. I am getting to the point where I am really starting to miss home. It comes in waves, but being here at the Ronald McDonald house there is a natural progression of things I am finding. Every 6 weeks or so everything changes at the house. A bunch of people will get discharged and a new group of people will come in. It's hard to keep building relationships that all of a sudden leave. You in one sense are so incredibly happy for them, but in the other sense are sad because you are back to being by yourself. So please pray for all the transitions. This whole experience has really grown and changed me. I have become more outgoing, more confident, and stronger overall. As tough as it is going into the Holiday season and being away from family and friends, I know that we are incredibly blessed to be where we are and to have so many people in our corner. We are so grateful for each and every person who is following our story. Please know that all the cards and gifts we have received have brightened some pretty dark days.
I know I have been quiet lately but that doesn't mean things aren't still moving forward. We are completely in the trenches of this journey so please pray for us. Your prayers have really made all the difference with how things have gone. We are so grateful for them. Our girls still have a ways to go, but we know with all of you standing with us in prayer that our girls will come out on top!!!
In the past few days I have been singing a specific song to the girls and maybe it will encourage someone else who is is a tough spot right now as well.....
He who began a good work in you
He who began a good work in you
Will be faithful to complete it
He'll be faithful to complete it
He who started the work
Will be faithful to complete it in you
If the struggle you're facing
Is slowly replacing
Your hope with despair
Or the process is long
And you're losing your song
In the night
You can be sure
That the Lord has His hand on you
Safe and secure
He will never abandon you
You are His treasure
And He finds His pleasure in you
Also I have started registries for the girls since I have been asked several times how people can help, this is just the easiest thing to do. Please by no means feel pressured at all. It is just so I don't have to get asked all the time. We are registered at Buy Buy Baby and Target.
My name is Heather Delaney. I married the love of my life Riley on 10/02/15 and we now have two beautiful girls Abby & Erin, who are conjoined twins, that were born 07/24/16. We are trusting that God is going to work all this out for his good!